"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth."

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules."

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than saying a drunken man is happier than a sober man."

"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech."

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

"Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability."

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."

"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth."

"A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason."

"The ballot is stronger than the bullet."

"Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken."

"For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."