"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

"It is fortunate to be of high birth, but it is no less so to be of such character that people do not care to know whether you are or are not."

"In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity."

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was."

"You can complain because roses have have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."

"He talked with more claret than clarity."