"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it."

"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."

"Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long."

"The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex.I think it clever of the turtleIn such a fix to be so fertile."

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."

"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."

"Those whom we support hold us up in life."

"Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young."

"Autobiography is an unrivalled vehicle for telling the truth about other people."

"In stirring up tumult and strife, the worst men can do the most, but peace and quiet cannot be established without virtue."

"I still find each day to short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."